As you might have noticed the year 2017 is coming to an end. Although doing a Retrospective is a weekly habit, a yearly Retrospective is also useful to do. Therefore I’ve used this week for some…
The idea of him is like fairytales. But fairytales are fiction not real. And sometimes we are trapped by the idea of a perfect someone.
I met him unexpectedly. It started so natural. Our connection was also so strong at that time. But it just didn’t work out. Which is fine and okay now. But If you asked me 3 months ago if I love him or not, I would say “I really love him right” away. I didn’t care about how he treated me at that time. I didn’t care about how he was so unable to express himself from the start. I didn’t care. I just love him, and that’s it. No need to question everything.
Don’t get me wrong. He still is a good guy, georgous, and smart blend into one person even until now. But I ignored all of the red signs of our relationship. Why? Because of my idea of him. Everytime he did something wrong or even if I know it didn’t work out at first, I would pushed my opinion right away.
The idea of happy ending was haunting me at that time. Maybe we can get another chance. Maybe we can work out if I try harder. Maybe everything will get better if I still have a hope. The truth is, nope, babe. It won’t make any difference. Why? Because you just love the idea of him. The real him won’t do that. The real him doesn’t love you that much. Even until I don’t know if he love me or not for real.
I am trapped by my idea of him.
When you are trapped by your own mind. You just feel like you did the right thing. You broke all the rules that you’ve made before. To keep the idea of him. Which is so wrong in so many levels.
Why I still love someone that makes me feel bad?
Why I still have the “perfect” idea of him?
I don’t know why back then.
Now I know why:
Because my lack of self love
It slapped me hard when my friend said that to me. Its true. I should’ve known my own worth. I should’ve known my own value. I should’ve known that I deserve better love than this.
I don’t even have self respect for myself because I still had the idea of him.
Now I am ready to begin my self love journey.
It’s not about the heartbreak
It’s all about how I will love myself more
Because we MUST have self love before we can be able to love someone else
How can you know if the love that you have for someone is right for you if you never love yourself “right”?
So here we go.
My journey to love someone else more start from now.
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