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What I Wished For

A poem

Picture of woman kneeling
Kneeling Woman, Egon Schiele (public domain)


Ever since I was a child
you delighted me
with forests of enchantment.

You gave me so many
charming names,
my cheeks were always
rosy blush.

It’s the nature of your brand.

You own your status
as the ultimate
drug pusher,
and like everyone,
I grew up wanting
your sparkle in my eyes.

Now, the very thought
of you sends waves
of existential dread
shooting through my
and four doors
in me slam very firmly
shut as soon as you lift
your knuckles to knock.

I have learned
your cutting edge,
the side behind,
on the flip,
you are so careful
to hide.

You are the rhyme
against reason,
the matter over mind,
you bother, bewilder,
break and shatter,
all to feed your hunger.

I have been for nothing
but your perverse

I have been one of your dark
a reminder to be
careful what I wish for.

Like a vampire,
you drained me
of all my passions
and fed them
to someone
who had none.

Now that I wish for nothing,
how will you tease me?

I know you have not forgotten
I exist —
I can feel your hollow
echo ringing in me.

Will you have a new story to tell?

It better be a true one,
I can’t handle any more
fairy tales.


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